Ever hear a high-pitched sound in the background?
Ever just gradually shut out sound after sound to find your own internal tone? This may 'sound' crazy, but it's been a sleeping secret of mine for decades. Whenever I find my mind to be too brain-busy to snooze, I can listen. Somehow, I narrow down and winnow away the ambient noises of life (air conditioner, cars passing, etc). I continue this listening to hear beyond my own breathing and heart beat, and eventually I wind up with a tone, I guess one would call it. It is just a constant beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep sounding out there beyond what one would normally attend to. Finding this pitch has always been a way to find my center and solace. I can almost always put myself to sleep by giving it my exclusive attention.
Or, I can carry on. Sometimes, I've found myself just dipping into my head to see if that sound is still there--and it always is--then continuing about my day.
One time it tends to be obvious is when true hearing is momentarily impaired, like right after a very loud explosion. Then I can hear my tone and nothing else. When I am startled awake, listening hard for what woke me, I have a hard time hearing around the tone.
Another occurrence of the tone, and this is the subject of this post, is when I am so beyond exhausted that I seem to have less control of my attention. I am hearing said tone even now, in spite of hallway traffic, the tip-tapping of my keyboard, etc. At times like this, the tone is annoying, a keen keening that rents my head. I don't have a headache, and I'm not especially distracted, but I do have this noticeable, ever-present pitch making itself known, embedded in every auditory experience of my day, an aural intruder. I can no more shut it out or turn it down than I could unplug my own pulse.
I wonder about the tone. I wonder if, perhaps, everyone has their own frequency...and maybe, do kindred spirits have harmonious tones whether they know it or not? I wonder if one is truly dead when his/her tone dies out, rather than brain waves or vital signs. Maybe The Tone is the ultimate vital sign.
...or maybe I'm just hearing things.
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3 comments:
This made me think of DeLillo's occasional drawing of the reader's attention to white noise in his novel of the same name--your noise, though, would be that noise's defiant rebuttal.
I hope you've read White Noise; I think the foregoing will make a little more sense if you have.
You may want to have your doc check you out for tinnitus.
While hearing "the sound of the infinite" during meditation would be inspiring, if you hear it more when you are tired and so forth, there could be a biological cause of the sound.
My husband, his brother, and his father compared notes at a recent family get-together and realized that all 3 of them suffer from tinnitus and have for years, so it's been on our minds (as well as in their ears) recently.
Sorry to be so mundane....
After 10 years on open tractors and countless rock concerts...likely so!
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