Told'ya So

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The pencil

SO, I recently attended a gala of techno-geek teachers and IT professionals from around the region. I was given the Innovative Teacher of the Year award (only my second trophy in my whole life). I also had to give a little presentation there to a full house crowd. It was altogether humbling and flattering and--well, it made me feel special.

I do a good deal with varied techniques and media in class. That's a fact. However, I have a little talisman on my desk, a touchstone to another reality...and it keeps me coming back to the basics.

In a little Altoids tin I have a two-inch pencil that has been sharpened down from both ends. I picked up the pencil in a grade school classroom in an impoverished part of Mexico back in 2000. (I was part of a Rotary, International, Group Study Exchange program, touring part of the nation on an exchange from my district and theirs....essentially an ambassador, even though I am not a member of Rotary.)

The pencil symbolizes how some people have such a hunger for knowledge and such an eagerness about them that any teacher would just love to encounter in the classroom. Those kids did not even have a steady stream of school supplies; they got the good out of every scrap, right down to the last inch of a pencil. It reminds me that education, learning, is not about all these bells and whistles, all these digital bangles and apps. Learning takes place when the learner is ripe for it, when s/he is receptive and the content is relevant. Anything else might be swapping knowledge, but it's not really transfer of meaning and significance.

It is Finished

Yet again, another semester in the bag. As always, I have mixed emotions. I cheered for some at commencement (and wagged my head in astonishment as others walked across!). I rent my garments and gnashed my teeth at some in the grade book who just did not get'er done. I always feel responsible, and I always look for clerical errors again and again. I bet it takes me twice as long to enter grades as anyone else.

Ultimately, it comes down to the individual and his/her effort/performance.

However, who's to say exactly what points or percentages measure one's ability to communicate, to think critically? Sure, we can get a bead on how well people pay attention or take notes or retain terminology....but can we really, truly get an objective score to issue? I think my curriculum should issue A/P/F grades. If one is an exceptional writer, they might earn an A. (Even now in my classes, I have some earning an A b/c they are an average writer but exceptional at all the other point-earning ventures in the course.) If one is passable, but not exceptional, they earn a P...and if someone is just a screw up, well...

Otherwise, who's to say whether an 87.3 is a B or an A? What accounted for those points? Do they truly measure something meaningful? I'd like my entire grade book to reflect only writing, but my institution likes to balance the books a little. I think I'll push the line as far as permitted, leaning toward all-writing, all the time, for points.

Meanwhile, I just have to remind myself, as I do every term: be pro-active. Make sure people know, months before grades are due, that they are sliding. Don't let this grade report be guesswork or a shock to anyone. Be fair. Be honest. Be efficient.

Summer is calling. Bye.

I'm the oddball

INTERESTING things I'm hearing from students this term. Interesting and alarming:

In literature class, several claimed no one had ever really read their essay responses before, and they were pleasantly surprised that I had--even when marks were less-than-flattering.

More than a dozen times this term students have thanked me for commenting on their work, even if it smarted some. (One guy said I was "blunt," but he liked that.)

In a journal entry, someone said in 60 credit hours at this school, I was the first and only instructor to call him by name. (It's not like his name was challenging, either, like Ilir or Jehoshaphat. )

Altogether, this is peculiar. I always think I'm a bad teacher, for I never get it all covered, I never feel I've accomplished enough, I always fear they will sue me for intellectual malpractice or something. I am constantly comparing myself to my peers, wondering why I'm so remedial, so pokey. How is it they have a life and I do not? Sure, some of it is that I have to teach a double load to try to survive, but I've always felt there were other conditions, too, that I was just slow in the head, perhaps, or that I needed to grade differently.

Maybe I should just plow ahead and not look back so much. I know that when I literally was plowing, looking back would make my rows veer off at an angle. Stay the course. Straight and steady.

14.14.21.35 until grades are due!

Poetry

For a few weeks every semester, I get to teach poetry. I used to dread every encounter with the genre, from grade school onward. I have given a lot of thought to this, and I've pretty much determined what happened...

As a young child I loved word play. I would toss around rhymes just to hear them bounce off my tongue. I loved reading playful books with poetic verse that really rocked the house. I liked writing witty little ditties that made me feel good, for I was able to mesh together rhymes into statements, stories, etc.

Then, somewhere in middle school, I think, I was introduced to Poetry (note, with a capital P), and then all the joy and playfulness was siphoned away, replaced by scansion of lines, deeper Meaning, allusions to literary things I did not know (and thus, being ignorant, I felt stupid). All through school thereafter Poetry waggled a finger in my face (or more accurately, the teachers delivering it) and I was made to feel ever-more ill-prepared and uninformed. I was no match for Poetry, as it was shared.

Sometime in graduate school a light went on, when I was reading ee cummings. I hated him with a passion, for his work seemed the most opaque, cryptic, and challenging of all Poetry. Then I listened to it. Then I just played along with him and his words. I was re-introduced to poetry at play, and then the tidal flood of all that was good clean fun came washing back over me.

I have since learned to appreciate poetry for its potency, for its life and vitality. I can enjoy a string of words, a bandwith of images, a bevy of symbols....I can just roll a word around on the tongue like someone else might a fine wine, and savor the many flavors of it. (In class last week, I likened this to Skittles, encouraging them to "taste the rainbow" of poetry.)

I confess I don't always "get it." There are many (probably most) poems I encounter that are more dense than I am, more unyielding to me (unless I am willing to research, read the footnotes, really work at it). You know what, though? That's okay with me. If I want it enough, I can penetrate any poem, even a translation, given time and energy.

What I really love, however, is simply wordsmith-ing and spoken word. I love poetry that is pyrotechnic. I groove on language for its sound and substance.

I hope I don't scare away any of my students when I go off on a word's 'feel' or texture. I hope they don't get the impression that I'm right or they're ignorant. Instead, I hope just a few of them leave class for the day listening to the euphony of a word, like diarrhea or mammogram.

Slowly, Intentionally

I admire my father-in-law, the Karate blackbelt. He knows how to sit, to meditate.

None of my kids know how to sit, period. They can squirm, and they can run, but they only stop moving to sleep (well, and sometimes to veg out in front of the television if I am not there to police their activity).

We watched a great documentary in my English class, PBS's Frontline piece, Digital Nation. One alarming claim of the film is that we are going so fast, so frantically busy, that we are not learning deeply and fully any more.



I wonder about this. I worry about this. I mean, here I am a proponent of all-things-digital, yet maybe I'm doing the students a disservice? Maybe I'm corrupting my own children, too?

Maybe I'm just enamored with all this digital stuff because it's shiny. Novel. Fun. It would be a terrible thing if I had fallen for the trap, fallen down the rabbit hole, and found myself swimming in the Kool-aid. (BTW: it was actually Flavor-Aid, for the record.) Ugh. If all these bells and whistles--which to me seem to streamline and improve research and writing--if they're really making us more shallow, then, like, wow.

Honestly, I do see the potential for immediately gratifying content to corrupt us. I know that I've even wanted to Google the whereabouts of my own keys (or on a true absent-minded professor day, my car itself). It's easier not to think, to just have access, but to really access the content I'm attempting to lead students into, one must think. One must be patient and diligent. I am now struggling with the question of whether or not this can be taught. Can one teach patient research to anxious youth? Can one teach a struggling community college student to let go of everything else and simply think a while? Can they let go of dollars and cents, familial woes, pressures of school, work, and family--just to entertain an idea? Can they feed that idea and take it for a walk? Can they roll around a word on the tongue just to feel it at play?

Some days I am not so sure.

Can't have it both ways...

SO, I'm something of a person of extremes. Oh, I'm open minded about most things, not inclined to polarized rants much....but in lifestyle and pattern, I tend to run hot or cold. I am one to be all out, in deep, 100% into something.

I suppose that sounds good, as if it suggested a degree of focus, a mindset of discipline, a forthrightness that is all-Kansas.

On the other hand, the ugly misshapen hand of truth, here's what happens to me: I get so far to an extreme it's hard to switch it up, to regroup, to reconfigure, to clock out. If, for instance, I were a mercenary, I would not know my bounds, and I might knock some one off in expression of my road rage. If I were a person of the cloth, I would not be able to reach the level of purity and intimacy with my deity that seemed The Right Place to be.

And so it is with work. I can run white hot for work, burning the proverbial candle in a blast furnace frenzy of focused labor. OR, I can be unplugged at home, not even checking email for days at a time, just building stuff, playing with kids, loving home (this extreme has only recently been learned and appreciated, say, in the last 5 years).

Unfortunately, it is VERY HARD for me to switch gears. When the new semester starts, I am now finding myself like a bear coming out of hibernation (at least in the winter) or like one of those groggy people who are just not morning people (I still cannot understand them!). I go through motions, but it takes me days and days to get my game on, to charge up my workforce engines.

And, alas, now that I'm fully engaged, I'm finding it VERY HARD to go home at night. Oh, I know it's where I'd rather be, that all this work is just what I do so that I can have a home and pay the bills....but it's extremely difficult for me to disconnect, to let it go, to leave work at work.

Why is that?
Used to be, I had a job that was something of a calling, a Mission. I was leading people out of apathy, helping to do my little part to save the world through service, to burn as purely altruistic as I could. That job, of course, was impossible to leave at work, for it was a lifestyle.

But now? grading papers and designing course content? I have a hard time pulling back from it, for I know that if I do, it's just going to be that much harder tomorrow to get back up in the saddle again. I will lose hours to ramping up, when I could otherwise just stay at it a few more hours...

...but I'd rather be home (in my heart of hearts) regardless of the lost time and inefficiency of retooling and warming up to it again. The reward of home and hearth and loved ones is much more powerful.

So, I go.

Art

The pictures above are two self-portraitures constructed by my middle son. He, like me, can find art in anything. I can hardly wait to take him to an art museum.

The eldest can tell stories until you fall asleep. (Yes, you is here a ganeralization, for I've yet to find anyone, gentle reader, that he cannot overcome with his words...even you.) His medium is words.

The youngest boy is coming into his own. He is the most emotional, from random hugs to Irish smackdowns. He's not really too into art or expression outside of the physical.

The 'baby' girl is violent when mad, heart-melting when affectionate...much like her brother. Who knows how she will come to express herself artistically--but I hope she is not programmed by commerce to only work in shades of pink, to only color princesses and care bears.

Every kid has his/her own strengths and values. I find it interesting that "art" comes to them early, and from what I can tell, about the same time as language. That may not be true, for I have seen some dynamic finger painting from kids under 2, but it seems the knowing it as "art" or the ability to share the nature of it as an artistic work might somehow depend upon language, both acquisition and expression.

Introducing...web camming!

I am very excited (and grateful) that I now have a web cam! I do not know that I will post video footage here, but I do intend to use it in my courses. I also hope to use it for video-phone calls (Skype, VOIP...) but I do not yet know how much I'll use it for such things. I know I will employ it in desktop lectures, screen capture how-to's and the like.

I feel like a guy with one of those old telephones, the big boxy kind in which the ear piece was on a cord and the mouthpiece was a horn affair that jutted from the box; had to wind it up to ring and use it on a party line after all that... In the same way, I think all this compatibility crisis we have between software and hardware (and wetware for that matter) will be a thing of the past. Some fine day we'll be able to comfortably, afford-ably, flexibly have live-time video conferencing on hand held units. (You can see it in commercials--or in really old Dick Tracy comics--but it's still the stuff of dreams here in my office and lifestyle and most importantly, my budget.

Meanwhile, I'll cobble together whatever tools I can to communicate as well as I can and hope for the best, overall. As technology catches up to fancy, I'll be there in the stream.

James Geary, metaphorically speaking | Video on TED.com

James Geary, metaphorically speaking | Video on TED.com

This is outright awesome and should get some discussions going in my classes.

Creating Creativity

I've always been challenged by my job. I feel like I'm teaching something that is intuitive--communication. I fumble over how to help very-articulate speakers become adequate writers. I worry that technology and the Modern Age will eclipse and out date me someday. I wonder, often, if I'm the right guy for the job.

Amplify all the above and put some spin on creativity, namely creative writing courses. My problem with instruction in communication or creativity is that these come very easy for me, so they are hard to teach. I might be a better math teacher. (he he he)

I am not alone in questioning this. In all probability, most teachers of performance arts ask themselves similar questions at times.

For me, it's too easy to say someone is born with it or not. I consider creativity to be something of a skill that can be learned. I try to offer creative writing as if it were helping people to flex their creative muscles and minds. Sure, it would be great if everyone were published, if everyone wrote literary masterpieces, but I more readily see my purpose in helping folks to express themselves more fluidly (composition) and then more artfully (creative writing).

I sure hope I don't miss the mark with this creative writing course I am constructing.

Heads up: porn schoolin' might work...

Want people to pay attention? This would be MUCH more likely to hold one's attention than a traditional research paper:



Now, MY body, while ample enough to write an encyclopedia upon, would not be a good medium for information. Maybe KelleMarie (the model in the film) might volunteer her time to reveal content tidbits for class....or maybe someone from class could volunteer? Why not combine the nude modeling/human body drawing class and, say, my composition or literature course?

Gee, for some reason, campus administrators never like my big ideas.

Open letter to Educators (from a drop out)

So, Danny boy here has a good message, overall. His beef is that the school he attended pressed facts, memorization of data, and, as he says, information is free, freely available. He says institutions of education need to "stoke creativity" and empower young people for change.

I could not agree with him more.

He complained that his college experience did not encourage interaction w/peers or instructor, that the text was okay but that more relevant (and accessible) content was online. He said learning management systems (aka Blackboard) are a step in the right direction, but so '90's!

I teach a skills-based curriculum and it's all about communication and engagement. My students all learn a little more about accessing information through digital tools. They tend to have a positive experience with me and peers, whether through the 'net or ground face to face engagement.

I agree that even Blackboard/ANGEL has room for improvement. We're now exploring video conferencing for next Fall. Even that is, perhaps, too little, too late.

Sometimes I think the whole higher education paradigm needs reinvented.

So Long...

So, it's finals week in my world, which means high stress, long hours, and incredible pressure. I tend to be over-wrought on all counts, overly-emotional, altogether unpleasant to be around. (This is unfortunate for my daughter, for her birthday falls at the end of finals week.)

I can get through the grading. Every year I write myself notes on how horrible this feels, how very much I should knuckle down earlier in the term to prevent such anxiety and overload...of course, most of this is the nature of the beast, teaching a double load of nearly all college freshman writing classes. I always shake my head in sorrow, lament how it sucks to be me...but then, there are much worse jobs.

The worst part of this: severing ties. Here's where too much disclosure can be downright unmanly, uncomely, uncouth...so I forge ahead. The truth is, I am a sappy guy. I have emotions. I build bridges and bonds and relationships with students that lead me to make too much of an investment in them. "How can a teacher do too much of this?" one might ask, for it would seem good teaching, like good parenting, would be an all-out venture. You cannot love too much, can you?

When I reason through from this angle, I do agree, it's a good thing to throw deep, to "care."

I have had some amazing ends to semesters, too. I've had students bearing gifts. I've had classes applaud. I've had a steady stream of referrals to my classes. Once, back when it was in the collective conscious of the public, a class spontaneously stood up on their chairs and did the "Captain, my captain" thing from Dead Poet's Society. (Really!) I've had people name their children after me. (Not really!) It's been a good ride, overall, even in the home stretch.

It's just that every semester is like a new relationship, or in my case 100's of them. Of the 100's per semester, 99% of them "die." Thus, finals week is like seeing all these people on the morgue table one last time. If ever I see them again, it will likely be years from now. When I see them again, it will be a head bob hello, a grunt, a vague recollection.

Worse yet, the Eddie Haskell's of this world, the kid who seems to be bonding, seems to care, and yet behind my back or the day after grades are due--cold-hearted villain. There's nothing to be done about bad apples and insincerity, but those folk are hurtful, make one want to choke back on the bat and be more an automaton and less a caring individual.

All that said, I feel no better, and I have many, many goodbye's left this week.

Aspiring...

Aspiring to do something is not doing that something. Good intentions are really not going to get me any where.

The problem is, I have many, many things to do. There's that letter I thought I'd write...there's that little home repair that always annoys me...there's always chores, bills, and a backlog of to-do's. Add to this, my bucket lists (yes lists in the plural) and my open-ended, achingly empty promises to my kids to do this/that. Gads.

If we were to play a word game, like maybe Family Feud, I think it would be easy enough to come up with the number one answer to the title of this entry. Aspiring......writer. (What else could it have been? butcher, draftsman, welder, accountant?) Why is it that of all career paths, "writer" fits better with "aspiring" than any other? Hmmm...

My guess is that one can obtain status as about any kind of worker readily by simply working in the field. I am a farmer if I farm. I am a gardener if I garden. One can obtain certification in an area and also be an anointed, certified teacher, doctor, or day care provider. On both counts, it would seem that I am, indeed, a writer. I write. (See me write? I am doing it right now.) I have actual degrees in my field.

Some argue that a person is not truly a writer until they are published. Well, I suppose by some definitions, I am again already there. My thesis rests, dust- and spiderweb- covered, in a university library. I have 30+ published articles from a column I wrote. My online course content has been a model for others in some venues. I blog (see, here, I'm blogging right now).

Still, if someone asks me what I am, my first responses are, in this order:
daddy
teacher
husband
...and if they ask what I do:
teach
parent
mess around on my farm

...it's far down the list that I say I am a writer or that I write. That is odd, for it has been on my list of things to do, on lists of my defining characteristics, etc. virtually all my life. It's the absolute only thing I have ever been given an award for.

The intent of these last few hundred words has simply been self-motivating. Last weekend I attended a great conference of the Kansas Writer's Association and walked away from that, pen in hand, ready to write. Again.

The last time I really dedicated any serious time to Writing was in 2004, which seems like yesterday but was, in fact over 5 years ago. I know people who were not even alive back then, like 3 of my 4 children!

My new direction, my current aspiration, is to be published in some renown literary magazine. I think I'm going to give that some time every day. Even if it's just a visit to a good, local bookstore, I'm going to get into the culture again, and we'll see what comes out of it.

99 bottles of beer on the wall

This old count-down song was a favorite on road trips.

I have a count down clock on my computer at work that lets me know how many days remain until grades are due. This clock is not (necessarily) just showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not there to give me encouragement that I can grit my teeth, grin and bear it for just another XX days. I'm not like Fred Flintstone, dashing down my dinosaur at the quitin' time whistle.

I am, however, very goal oriented. I need milestones, signposts, markers and measures to help me overcome a sometimes heavy work load. It's overwhelming when I realize I have over 600 essays (roughly 60,000 words) yet to grade this term, plus 600,000 words of their journals to read, plus 150 final exams to tally...all that can get to be a bit burdensome.

The clock tells me, however, that there's only 56 days (including weekends and holidays) to get all the above done, regardless. It tells me that, for better or worse, I sure as hell will be done by that deadline, no matter what. It helps me pace myself, stay on task, keep my eyes on the monitor and fingers on the keyboard.

Strange Daze

I might have slept 2 hours last night. I spent the rest of the time reading, thinking, plotting out the garden and the playground and the other projects I have to do (usually such plotting puts me right to sleep). If it happens again, I'm going to drop some melatonin!

I think I was juiced about today. I worked hard on today's lecture content, drilling around in about two dozen of my resources to find what (I hope) was the best 3 hours my students may have ever had on digital research. I think I'm going to make a screen capture lecture of it for my online classes (and for folks to critique here, perhaps).

I also prepared fully for the afternoon meeting with the Executive Director of the Kansas Campus Compact. The meetings included such luminaries as the college president, 2 vice-presidents, 2 deans, several directors, faculty, staff and students, community partners in service...oh and a representative from the Kansas Board of Regents. I had to review and make commentary on the draft of the KsCC strategic plan through 2014. I really absorbed a lot through the first 90 minutes, then I hope I made meaningful contributions in the other 2 hours we shared.

THEN I wrote an exam for a class and graded about a dozen papers. All this after lunch, when I normally am not good for anything.

I wonder what my horoscope said of me today...My guess: You are supercharged with boundless energy and ideas. Be prepared to share. Tonight: crash and burn.

Topical

My students are proposing research project essay topics, many of which are a bit predictable if not dog-eared. I encouraged them to surf the Internet, to watch some vlogs. I gave them an abundance of issue-hosting sites like this one. I shared a "don't go there" list, too, forewarning them away from some topics I've yet to read a good paper over....here's a listing of what I'm getting:

• death penalty
• abortion
• gun control
• welfare reform
• drinking age
• alternative energy
• immunizations
• texting
• social networking
• sexual identity

...I wish I could say these were going to knock me out with stunning research findings and mind-blowing arguments/insights. I wish they took ownership of their issues and really wrestled with controversies they are unsure of, initially. Do understand, some students are actually slugging through issues, like the last one, questioning the uncertain sex of athletes like happened last summer (I think it was)...or like the guy (himself a music major) who's exploring the claim that music education could be a reasonable chopping block item in a tight school budget. Some students are fired up about advertising and body image, in part from our exposure in the current readings/assignment. A couple are still angling around, seeking that something they might care about enough to commit to 2000 words.

I feel for them. I try to help them. My thinking is, helping them helps me, for I'll have less mediocre papers to grade later. Selfish, I know.

THIS brings it all together!

In this video, the Rev. Billy Talen preaches on localizing our lifestyles in his campaign for mayor of NYC. He is interviewed by "The Resident" aka Lori Harfenist. I've followed Rev. Billy's career for some time now, as I've also watched Harfenist's vlog off and on for years. This was the best six minutes I have spent today, absorbing the message the Rev. shares on anti-consumerism, on big-box monopolies and manipulations, and on the concept of retooling our economy. Hang Obama's 90 minute applause fest out to dry and invest your ears in this instead. His Church of Stop Shopping has some great songs/messages, and their website is great!

For my bandwith, one cannot go wrong listening to Harenfist (and she's easy on the eyes, too). I am going to recommend her to my classes, for she brings up some great controversies, and my students are to be entertaining controversial issues in Comp II.

For example, she has a segment on:

sin taxes, particularly one proposed on pop

climate change

calling this country "America"

Why people hate the USA (dated)

She's....stimulating, if nothing else. There are many commentators with more depth and content, but I think her vlog would be a good onramp for students to check out the behind-the-scenes medium of the Internet. (I'm collecting similar sites to share w/students, so fire some to me!)

Sometimes I wonder...

...what my students really think of class. Today, for example, we did traditional lecture, review, etc. and then I had them participate in "academic speed dating." This is not my original idea--it's something forwarded to me that I've had great success with (I think).

I have them sit in a long row, 1/2 on each side of the room-length table. I have them reach across to a partner and shake hands, exchange pleasantries, and then address a question I have for them on screen. After a few minutes, we reflect as a group, report back a few insights (and names) then rotate to new partners. It's a tool I use for review, obviously, but also to break the ice, so they can get to know at least 1/2 the class on just the second day of class.

...but it's weird. It's non-traditional. It's disruptive and messy. Do they really benefit? Does it actually help folks get familiar, or is it just busy hoop-jumping junk? I would like to think it's productive, that people have fun and learn a little something along the way, but it's hard to know...to REALLY know.

Thus, I am in a quandary. Do I keep experimenting and mixing it up, or do I throw back to staid, tried-and-true lecture? (Could I even do that?) I hope I find a good balance, that it's all in the best interest and best meeting the students' needs.

Sometimes I have doubts, that's all...