Substitutes

Substitutes are for teachers, right? I have recently had need of substitutes for my classes. One day it was a medical necessity. Two others are conference-related. Two more are a family vacation. I've not employed so many substitutes ever before, and it's a bit awkward. I'm very grateful they'll be at my lectern, and I'm sure they will hold down the fort well. It is a lot of work, prepping for them, however, and it is also a little uncomfortable leaving my flock with an interim shepherd. It will be interesting to see how this has all shaken down in about 3 weeks.

Meanwhile, I've written about avatars and clones before on this blog--I know I have. There was once this goofy movie, Multiplicity, featuring clones generated to take the stresses off of Michael Keaton's character. That would be great, if things didn't get out of control. The same idea was covered in an episode of the Simpsons, something to do with a magic hammock that spit out copies of Homer.

I am revisiting this idea of substitutes as they might fill in for me in other, non-academic environments. I would most like someone to be my driver, so I could just lounge or read or nap while my sub filled in for me behind the wheel. I don't know that people know this about me, but I don't like eating (really) and so I wish I had a sub who could do the dirty work (all that cutting, chewing, swallowing, and worse yet, listening around the table to others masticating and burping, smacking, or eating with their mouths full). Just writing about the event of eating repulses me. But if I had a sub, he could fill in, so long as I gained the nutrient value. Heck, I'd even share the nutrient value, 50/50.

I would want a sub to fill in for those marathon grading sessions, for the frantic lesson planning, for even the many, many meetings that could otherwise be simply notes and email transactions. A sub could stand in line for me. A sub could do my chores, like mowing, laundry, etc.

Oddly, there are some seemingly unpleasant things I would still want to do, myself. I'd want to do the lectures. I would want to read my own books, as tedious as some people consider that act. I would even want to change diapers, myself, for there's some odd bonding that goes on there with one's offspring over a fragrant diaper.

Of course, I would like to think that in many environments, there simply is no substitute for ME...but I will leave that up to others to decide.