Echoes of an empty nest

C'mon dad, let's rassle!
C'mon dad, let's have a water gun fight.
C'mon dad, let's build a snow man.

I do try to keep up. I really do. Three boys and a girl, all under 9 years, all over 2 ft. It's about all an old guy can do. I'm pushing 50, already, here.

Just reflecting on all the many times I've said no makes me sad, reminds me of that "Cat's in the Cradle" song. I fully realize that they are already starting to make their own fun without me. I know the three boys can get into enough mischief without the ol' man along. Sometimes I can feel the invites slipping into pity mode, or nostalgia mode, too--I can tell they invite me out of obligation or respect or just because I'm cannon fodder for their game.

Ten years has gone by in a heart beat, from the old days before kids, when I first was married....and thus, I know well that this next ten years will be the best ten years of my life--so I'd best be LIVING them to the max. I will never ever be able to get them back, not even as a grandfather. It's not like wanting to relive college years, when one can just enroll in another class. It's not like midlife crisis, easily averted with a convertible or another wife (jk).

When the nest is empty, it will echo.

If I were more current my my time travel theories, I could better express this: an echo of something that has yet to happen. I read somewhere of a theory of time in which the very sensitive traveler (and we are all travelers through time) can detect ripples or echoes of events that have yet to happen. That must be me in this moment, for I can feel the empty nest in full force, as if I were living it.

In ways, I guess I am, at this moment, when they are all sleeping and I'm being selfish. There are times I crave such time, but right now I'm tempted to go down with pots and pans, abruptly wake the kids, and have an impromptu band party with them all.

Note to self, here's a list of things they want to do. Get'em done:
dance night
music class
camp out
junk percussion
days out w/dad