So, I consider myself friendly-enough. I am at least amicable, I think most would agree. I get along with people in elevators, meetings, classes. People report they are surprised to learn that I have a temper!
Yet, sadly, I do not have a close cadre of true friends. I can enumerate a broad count of acquaintances and associates. I can draw an impressive diagram of my extended social networks, and hey, I have 500 friends on Facebook...
I'd trade them all for one good friend (my wife excluded, as her friendship comes with the territory).
I like the way friends are portrayed in the movies and on television. I never had friends like on Friends. I suppose the most close I had was when I was forced into close quarters with fellows on my dorm floor. We would go to the lake, hang out, generally hob nob.
But I do not have any go-to guys that I can call up to just go for a ride. There's not a soul who I know I can just dump on. I haven't any one in my inner-most circles whom I can ask to, say, help me build my deck or move a piece of furniture or babysit my kids.
I used to be in a loop of students and others who joined together for "School of Thought," which was a cool taffy-pull of the imagination, just a bunch of yokels jawing over the edges of the universe and the meaning of consciousness and the affects of substances and the significance of eternity and the like. Alas, they were students, mostly, and I always felt something of an intruder.
There's something to be said for intruding, but it's not something I'm good at. I suppose this reluctance has held me back from making true friends. My wife says it's that I don't invest enough in others. It's hard to do, with family and farm and work all taking priority. It seems, for me at least, like there's little time left.
I think I need to do a reality check, review priorities a little.
What spawned all this was a study reported on NPR about how those with work-related friends saw a 2% increase in their overall longevity. Those who also were active in the lives of others, through church or service (or maybe even in education) saw even greater gains in life expectancy. The study cited lots of other benefits of friendships at work and at large.
Thinking about this makes me skeptical about the status of "friend" on Facebook.
*sigh*
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2 comments:
I think that friendship outside of your family is hard these days, once you get past your 20's. Perhaps it always was; perhaps it has to do with how busy we are - how much we expect ourselves to accomplish - which I think gets worse every year.
I've never been a person to have many acquaintances, but I do have a few close friends, although I don't necessarily see them often. We've moved many times over the years (11 times since we got married in 1976); several good friends are from many moves ago, so we no longer live near each other. My friends list on Facebook hasn't even quite reached 100; but then, several of my closest friends don't have time for Facebook!
Occasionally I have no choice but to reach out for help with something. Ironically, I think that helps create friendships...as long as I'm willing to help out in return, if at all possible.
I miss the deep discussions that seemed to occur when we were younger. I've thought about trying to start an old-fashioned "salon" night, but I'm not a natural hostess and it's been very easy to put off giving it a try....
I don't know how to end this (long) comment other than to say that I think friendship has become rather challenging in this age of easy, surface acquaintance. And that's ironic too.
I feel like you. I've lost most of my close friends due to miles or them still being single and kid-free while I'm up to my elbows in responsibilities that have nothing to do with me. Yes, it's lonley out here and I wished I had someone to vent to, to trust as much as I trust John, but because I don't, it forces me to concentrate even harder on my family. And am I afraid that they will follow my footsteps? No. I had friends, I love friends, it just that right now, at this aprticular moment in my life, I don't have much time for them. My kids need me too much still. And when they don't, then I will ease into a friendship with someone. It's pretty amazing how not only did you describe me in that article, but how I wanted to be "that" friend for you. Give it some time...your friend is out there, waiting.
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