Always Watching...

My parents were conspiracy theorists. Someone was always reading their mail or watching their whereabouts. They went through a UFO phase, a tri-lateral commission phase…ultimately sticking with a fear mongering version of fundamental Christian faith which sought signs of the endtimes in everything from tea leaves to television.

Doubtless, some of that has worn on me and worn off on me.

After surfing blogs for a semester, I have arrived at a theory of my own. It goes something like this:

Suppose we launched manned interstellar vessels to explore, to boldly go where
no one has gone before, to infinity and beyond…all that. What if our explorers
were to encounter an alien life form. To study them, they tried fly-by's, only
to be spotted regularly. They tried living among them incognito, only to be
outed too often. As the studied, native life form developed, they became an even
greater threat, launching their own primitive space vessels, their planet
brimming with hostility and threat of global annihilation. What's a space
explorer to do? Data gathered was scarcely completed. Sure, we knew their planet
and climate, their population trends, their mass media warbling in every
tongue…but did we really know what made them tick?
Along comes private Sneed, suggesting: "Sir, I think I've got it. Why don't we leave behind a device to collect their inner thoughts, their collective conscious, their very souls if you will."
"Sneed," sneers the captain, "We don't have such a thing. Now get back to the galley and cook me—"
"Captain, I argue that we do." Sneed straightened his uniform with a tug and continued: "In fact, all we must do is actuate it, and they will self-report more information than we could ever use."

This, then, is my theory: Aliens built the Internet. I ask you, heard of many UFO's lately? Abductions? Of course not. There is no need. All the information that was once gathered through direct observation is outmoded. All an alien species requires to study us now is a good Internet connection.

Having revealed this to the public might cost my life. If this is my last entry, you know why. If it is censored by Those In Black Helicopters or some other entity, I guess you may never know.
Otherwise, however, I urge you to post the most bogus, misleading entries about our life and times that come to mind. Drop some acid or something and then write your blog…anything we can think of to misdirect our observers attentions.

…of course, if you read many blogs, you would likely agree that most bloggers have caught on to this already.

See related Google Conspiracy.