Dental Entry I

So, I go to the dentist yesterday, our first "duty day" for faculty. (Some might joke that it's a toss-up: dentist/inservice, but I really don't mind inservice.) I think I'm going to write out a character in some short story about a guy who has no time to himself, whatsoever, so he addictively books appointments with dentists--sort of like that guy in Fight Club attends support groups--only my guy goes to several dentists and hygienists so he can have that half-hour alone in the very comfy chair to just think, relax, maybe listen to musak.

Dental Intimacy
Here I am already listing and drifting...My dentist is a swell guy, a community leader, someone I've known for 15 years. He's been on the board of my non-profit, on the school board, and who knows what else. He's well-travelled, has two children (both college grads now) and a sweet wife. I think everyone should be as comfortable with their dentist, should know them this well. When you stop to consider it, who else gets so intimate with you? Unless you visit a proctologist or an OBGYN, outside of your love life, no one but the dentist (okay and the hygienist) really get so intimate.

Swish your tongue around in your mouth, feel your teeth with your tongue. One by one. Feel all the ridges in the roof of your mouth. See? The mouth is an intimate place. If you're going to let a dental professional in there, you should know him/her. Otherwise--what a violation.

Dental Confessional
I don't know if anyone else does this, but when I sit there waiting I feel guilty. I dread when he comes in and says, "Not flossing much, eh?" or "Still smoking I see." or something worse. Maybe it is what confessional feels like for people of some faiths--they don't look forward to it, but it's important to their cleansing and repair. It's an accountability thing. So I feel guilty, I make promises to myself as I sit there looking at the damaged goods on a monitor (they call up your record on a computer screen and you look at your xrays for entertainment during the wait). I tell myself that it's insane to mistreat teeth, the only external, exposed bones we have. The only ones we have for life. I remember all the toothless people I know. I remember talking to old folks about implants and dentures...

BTW: George Washington, our first president, has a very interesting dental record. He had teeth made of ivory, wood (of course) and he had implants--implanted actual teeth...which he bought from his slaves. Bizarre, huh. "A forensic anthropologist from the University of Pittsburgh came to the dental museum, which is affiliated with the Smithsonian Institution, to supervise laser scans on one of the four known sets of Washington's dentures. The dentures are made from gold, ivory, lead, human and animal teeth (horse and donkey teeth were common components). The dentures had springs to help them open and bolts to hold them together." source MSNBC article.

Sometime I'll quote from my favorite Tom Robbins passage, a whole page or so on GW's teeth.

Huffing
Uh, I don't recommend this, but here goes: usually laughing gas has no effect on me. I theorize that the gas is much like any other inhalant or drug, that it hits harder if drawn in purposefully through the little capillaries (or whatever) in the nose. Advice--for best effect, blow your nose first. Don't breathe out of your mouth. Take deep breaths and hold them for a take. I knew all this from...reading about it...but I decided to apply it to laughing gas. I figured I was in for something ghastly from good ol'Nick the dentist, so I should be prepared. When they left me there with this goofy mask on, gas and oxygen hissing away, I decided to really pull down on it, really huff and puff, really get my insurance company's money's worth. (I also didn't think it really put much gas thru, that it was mostly a placebo). Let me simply say, CRAZY !