Another guilt entry...maybe I need some kind of medication or something! Anyway, I just had a stimulating conversation with a student who's term project is on multi-lingual education. She shared results of studies that reinforce what we all know: kids learn very well when very young, then gradually have a harder time of it. Her project recommends teaching kids langages from birth. (A friend of mine taught her sons simple sign language, and they were communicating a year before they could articulate in words.)
Results of that study are compounded for me, right now, by a book I'm reading, Possessing Genius: The True Account of the Bizarre Odyssey of Einstein's Brain.
(It's a very fascinating account, btw, of not only the travels of his post-mortem brain, but also of the brain's development, etc...and I only paid a buck for it! Get yours at the Chisolm Trail
Back to guilt. I currently have two boys, ages 1 and (as of Friday) 4 years old. We do something of an above-average job of exposing them to good stuff, nurturing them, etc...however, we could do more. The window of opportunity for loading their potent little brains is already closing! Birth to 3 is the era of greatest development and learning for life. My oldest is already getting too old! It really gives me a sense of urgency.
So here I go: I think our world is topsy-turvy. I've finally developed priorities and principles, in my 40's, and this life does not reflect them. Okay, I suppose I value education, communication, critical thinking, an informed electorate, and thus, my job is not inconsistent with the above. However, none of that is a high priority.
At the top of my list, being a person of spirit, would be to have something of a spiritually driven life. Alas, it ain't there. Like eating right and getting enough sleep, somehow I must just figure the spirit can wait.
Next is my family, and sure, I get to spend more time with them than most folk I know; however, it's not enough and it's not high-octane. There should never even be a question of my love/loyalty, never a doubt, but when I'm not there, or when I hush someone so I can hear a news broadcast (or worse, a gag in a sitcom or some cruicial 'fact' in a crime drama)...when I act like that, where's my priority then? eh?
Somewhere high on my priority list is the well-being of my boys, and I do so very little to make'em smart.
Our culture does not prioritize these things. I've figured out why: you can't make money from it. Also, you can't manipulate people who live by principle, so 'best to keep them running. Ralph Ellison (just to get all literary for a second), in "The Invisible Man" as I recall, had an administrator passing word to a subsequent administrator regarding the main character. The note said (quoting, not to step on anyone's sensitivities here): "Keep that Nigger boy running." This is exactly what we are all doing to this day. We are so busily running on the treadmill or hamster wheel, we do not take time to live right, think right, be right. (This is to say nothing of 'righteous' btw, just plain right.)
I used to think, when I took the time, that this was some sinister, corporate plot. I'm not so inclined to believe it is, anymore. Like water, I think we all have a tendency to take the path of least resistance. We go with the flow. Sure, consumerism in America would suffer if we slowed down, but I really don't know that there is any (published or otherwise) plan/agenda to keep us fleet-of-feet.
Like George Jetson, sometimes I find myself screaming, "Jane! Help! Jane, get me off of this thing!"
Stop the bus, I want to get off.
If our culture really lived by values, 'family values' if you must, then wouldn't we, say, work like dogs for 20 years before having kids, saving all our money, then just clock out for 20 years, to be there for them as they grew? If not 20 years, some variation on the theme? In some parts of Europe, both parents get leave of up to three years when a child is born. Why not here? (Why didn't I plan for that? Because until I had kids, I didn't get it and I was selfish.)
I am not a single parent in school working two jobs. Nonetheless, like them, I feel my lifestyle is robbing me of my life, of being there and doing the best by my kids. I love my job, but I so wish I could do it from home, or somehow find a way to minimize my time away from the fam. This is all a cultural creation; one could clearly track its origins to the industrial revolution. Knowing that (and more) does not make the situation any more palatable. Not at all.
I'm going to cook something up on this. I'm going to beat the system. I just hope I can get it figured out before my boys have their own children!
1 comment:
(FROM Lora and may not be suitable for public viewing!)
Maybe medication really is the answer...do they make a guilt med?
Just kidding!
We do miss you very much when you are gone, but we don't hold it against you that you have to go to work. Even Carson is starting to really show his appreciation for when you get home! We have to have insurance and money so you have to have a job. I would LOVE it if we could work it out like we talked awhile back where you worked from home and I had a parttime gig outside that gave us enough income to support our boys. We need to work on that!!!!!!!
I love you.
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