ANGER

The only broken bone I've ever had was in my hand due to punching walls. I destroyed a wall of an out-building with a big hammer once in a rage. I used to have anger management issues, to say the least.

My son, only six, sometimes gets mad beyond words. It looks silly on him.

I remarked recently in conversation that I'd not been truly angry, yelling-type angry, in years. Most people, especially those who know only this recent manifestation of myself, have no idea that I have this tendency to blow my stack. Every time it has come up, people just laugh and say, "You?"

Yesterday, however, I revisited my anger in such an excruciating, full-on outburst that I have aching muscles and a woeful heart today. At least I took it outside, away from everyone and every thing, burning off my angry energy by tearing down a corral w/a sledge hammer.

I wish I could get angry at someone other than myself, but that is the center of my s*storm. For me, it is very painful to be mad at me...but I guess it's better than burning bridges, hurting others, or owing anyone but myself an apology.

Now I'm mad at myself for getting so mad at myself.

GRRRRR!

Honestly, anger is right down there with guilt as an emotion that has no redeeming value. I guess there is a "righteous anger," but my vein-popping version is anything-but-that. Anger is silly, immature, and a waste of emotion. Actually, I guess I'm writing of RAGE...just being mad/angry has its place. I seem to just perk along, merrily, then skip from bliss to rage.

There's something to work on!