Death and Dogma

My 3 year old misted up when one of our farm cats was reported dead on the road, but he did not otherwise seem too affected by her passing. That surprised me, as much as he loves animals. He keeps asking me about death. He talks to me about death as if he Knows Things. For example, about a year ago, he said, "I will be big when you are dead." Another: "Your daddy is dead and you will be dead, too." More recently, he's been asking things like: "Will I see you again when you are dead?" and "If you die, do you come back?"

On the one hand, readers likely are saying, "Awww...cute little kid mindset." I'll buy that. He's fishing around with vocabulary and concepts and trying to wrap his head around a Big One.

OR maybe he's exceptionally insightful and helping me deal with death, since after all, it's one of those concepts I never stop thinking about.

What if death were flexible based on one's perspective? If his reality, his perception of death was simply that one's body decomposed but the true Them lived on to revisit family and friends--well, what's wrong with that? I know many people who adhere to various walks of faith to cling to the concept of a rosy after life, but most of those versions of Tomorrow do not include haunting around one's previous lifestyle, like my son's view. Some find comfort in "knowing" what their ever-after will be, based on their religion. They especially like the idea that their deceased loved ones are not simply gone--they're "up there" waiting to be reunited, etc, etc, etc. I think it would be great if the afterlife you conceive is the afterlife you achieve. For those who think we're nothing but worm food, well, there ya' go. For those who dread the torments of hell, then "BOO!" If your afterlife is to be recycled or if it's to allow you to come around from time to time, then swell, go to it.

I really like it that all three of my kids entertain ideas on the edges, concepts that are beyond Legos and Wonderpets. At this stage of the game, I don't feed them dogma. Instead I tease out of them their varied perspectives and try to appreciate them for what they are: unvarnished and unaffected explorations of the very issues that all of us have come through. They share honest questions and insights, and I listen and share my own musings. Maybe that's bad parenting, not having all the answers like Wikipedia-on-demand. Maybe I'm letting go of too much Power by not being perceived by them as the know-it-all.

On the other hand, I might be privy to more of their minds by not always calling every shot.