Seasonal Downers

In contrast to yesterday's post...

Cold brings death. Trees are skeletal. Grass is brown and crunchy. It hurts to just be in the elements, and everything's too brittle to work with (soil, wood, me...).

This time of year, I always have an enormous backlog of grading--I mean literally hundreds of pieces to grade, and a very clear and present deadline looms just 11 days, 20 hours and 57 minutes away. It is more-than-overwhelming...it is uber-whelming!

The lingering gloom of my dad's death at Thanksgiving haunts me. It really does. I don't like to admit it or write about it, but there are times I just wish he was still around to talk with. He always had interesting ideas and he was a good listener, too.

My health always deteriorates due to the weather and the workload. I don't get out much, and thus I don't work physically as I do in the summer...and I sit on my tookas a lot grading. The grading gives me knots in my stomach. I quit eating right. My circulation shuts down for sake of grading (I don't even understand this one). I sleep 4 hrs nightly these days. Whine, whine, whine.

I miss my students and they are not even gone yet. It's silly, but I know that this is history in the making, that this is the stuff some of them may remember years from now. I know that (at least for a few) I make a difference in their all-too-often miserable academic lives. Lots of them are fun and engaging. Almost all of them will move on, and I will be left here grading the next round. *big sigh*

Holidays are going, but I am grading. Parties, staff functions, etc. are practically daily, and I cannot attend them all, cannot afford them at all (time or money).

This is the time of year I most regret not working harder/more and thus earning more, for I have a generous spirit but tight purse strings. I can think of things, thoughtful gifts, that I would get for everyone...but it all costs money, too much money.

Nostalgia overload--from claymation Christmas cartoons to my favorite ornament, from It's a Wonderful Life to so many songs of the season...the taste of peanut brittle and fruit cake...the stories of Christmas' past. Altogether, there's more sentiment, memory and nostalgic glaze over this season than all the others put together, and sometimes, it's just too much for me.