On Toilet Mints

I've been thinking this one over for some time now, well, since about mid-March, anyway. About that time, the custodial gods installed toilet mints in the urinals where I work. For those not privy to our privy, we have about 9 urinals all lined up like strangely-receptive i-robot parodies, eager to be flush with one's contribution. What has gathered my attention is this: the mints do not seem to be dissolving at a consistent rate.

Now, some may venture that about this time of year I get a bit loopy, that I am prone to observations that one might not make if of sound mind. I have been known to see invisible creatures, to laugh at the pronunciation of my own name, to forget where my children are (even as I am holding one of them on my hip). In this instance, however, let me assure you that I am making the most scientific of observations.

My office mate, himself a scientist, speculated over the toilet mint phenomena himself last week--unsolicited, I might add.

You see, there might be any number of factors that are affecting the mints. His theory was the most obvious (and thereby, the most likely for me to discount, for it makes too much sense). Simply put, he thinks the most-dissolved mints must be in urinals that are most popular. This would stand to reason, for they are, generally speaking, the urinals at the far ends of the line up. We men like to wee as privately as we may, given the circumstances.

However, couldn't it also be that the downdrafts from the vents (approx. at the ends of the line up, in the ceiling above) could be eroding the mints?

Or maybe it's not the number (popularity) of the use of said urinals but the quality of urine of those who frequent these urinals. I, myself, have toxic waste from too much coffee (a pot before 830am) and thus would offer, maybe folks with a stream like mine more greatly affect the toilet mint. Or it may be that the clientele of certain urinals might have a higher velocity discharge than another. I know for a fact that some males (I debated over using "boys" or "men" in this context) make a sport of eroding the toilet mint with their fire power. If, perchance, any reader of this is doubting me, I offer as exhibit A the toilet mint/target popular after 9/11 that featured a target and image of Osama Bin Laden:
Note the catch phrase: "Urine Trouble bin Laden." Toilet humor. Can't get enough? Then you might want to order the customizable urine cake that allows you to insert any photo!

Now back to our show...
I am concerned that this whole discussion may be moot, for who's to say the custodians don't rotate these mints on some schedule? I know when I was a custodian, I had similarly been assigned mundane, asinine, inexplicable tasks on my list (including cleaning the hose that fed water into my mop bucket). If that is true, all hope is lost to ever explain the mint erosion issue!

Perhaps, if the mints are in rotation, then it is not the placement of the mint in any given urinal but the quality of the mint, itself, to study. It may be that some mints are of inferior manufacture or inconsistent materials. I am sure there must be some ANSII standard for toilet mints, but is there really any quality control? WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE CARE! Does any one really invest enough time in making sure these mints are tested for density, strength, scent or, most importantly to this discussion, durability? Is there a job for that in the Occupational Outlook Handbook: toilet mint inspector? He, who comes home from work, goes over his day with his spouse over meatloaf: "Yeah, honey, we had another reject today. Color faded after only 72 gallons at medium stream, don't that just beat all? And someone could have had that in their urinal! Makes me proud I'm there to maintain quality, by gawd!"

Maybe, just maybe, down the drains of these urinals there are life forms we do not know or acknowledge, and perhaps some colonies of said life forms are more voracious in their eating than others. Or maybe they do not eat the toilet mints, but instead lick them, like a cow would a salt lick...or maybe they skate on them...at any rate, one life form's colony's appetites and lifestyle choices might be more demanding on the toilet mint than a neighboring life form's colony.

Betcha didn't think about that, eh?

A point of order: And, btw, I call them toilet mints rather than urinal cakes for good reason. There is nothing cake-like about them, and like those old air fresheners (Stick-ups?), you can put said mint behind a toilet, in the tank of a toilet, etc...so they are more versitle and thereby deserve the broader name, "toilet" mint.